Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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