I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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