im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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