she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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