I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
