Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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