what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I believe in your delicious
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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