Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
