Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
