the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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