I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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