my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The air was thick with penises
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
