Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize