my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
