have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
