So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
