hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
