pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
