dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
