Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize