we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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