Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
