Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your thong is hanging out like whoa
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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