she was so not down for the gang bang
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
