I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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