I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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