I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
