we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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