I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
