I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
