I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
