So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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