Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
