Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
