her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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