how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
