Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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