Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
