God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
