When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
