I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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