so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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