he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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