Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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