you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
