I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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