i think my mom watched the whole time
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
only if we run a train.
done.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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