No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
