i may or may not be watching the land before time
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
