fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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