I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
