I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
