Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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