CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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