Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
