I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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