I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
