Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize