The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
