I cannot find my penis.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
