I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
