I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
