***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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