I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
