Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
