I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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