ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
