Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
