my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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