i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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