A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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