Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
