My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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