Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
