And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
