sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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