I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
