I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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