So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
