Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
