Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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