I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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