My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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