My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize